


I'm Sorry, I Love You

by whiteshores



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 12:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22849930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteshores/pseuds/whiteshores
Summary: He’s sitting alone at a bar one Saturday night, mindlessly thumbing at his half empty glass and reminiscing about his time with Jeonghan.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 101





	I'm Sorry, I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for Bloom Fic Fest, but it was never posted. So, here it is. Enjoy! 
> 
> Prompt: "When I see your body next to someone new, the way he's holding you. I'm too broken-hearted, too hurt for this party. It's Saturday night and I don't want to be alone." (Can't Move On by Wild Youth) 
> 
> Thank you [bonnieanonnie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonnieanonnie/pseuds/bonnieanonnie) for beta reading ♡  
> 

_I’m sorry._

_I love you._

_Read 5:26 AM._

It’s been five years since Seungcheol sent that message. Five years since Jeonghan read it. Five years since Seungcheol lost the man he loved the most. 

He’s sitting alone at a bar one Saturday night, mindlessly thumbing at his half empty glass and reminiscing about his time with Jeonghan.

* * *

Seungcheol remembers when he first met Jeonghan.

It was a rainy day on a Tuesday afternoon and he needed to study for his upcoming history exam. But his exam is on _Friday_ and it’s currently Tuesday; studying can wait. It’s not one of his major classes anyway. Every first year is required to take classes in various areas in order to “broaden their horizons” or something like that. Seungcheol knows that history is important, but Professor Lee’s lectures are drier than the Sahara Desert and he would rather turn to an oasis of mindless gaming. Which is what he’s currently doing, leaning forward in his bean bag chair as his thumbs furiously tap away at his game controller. He’s determined to kick Mingyu’s ass once again because the humiliation of losing to Mingyu of all people is more than he can bear. 

Three minutes of button smashing, grunts, yelling, and childish taunts later, Seungcheol pumps his fists in the air with a shit-eating grin. Mingyu groans, watching dismally as Pikachu claps for Ike.

“You got lucky, hyung,” Mingyu grumbles. 

“No. You just suck at Smash,” Seungcheol laughs.

“If it wasn’t for that stupid hammer, I would have won!” 

“You’re the one who _insisted_ that we play with items, Gyu. I told you that we should have just done stock, no items, battlefield.”

“But items make it fun!”

“Yeah, and I had fun winning.” 

The two continue to bicker back and forth before Wonwoo speaks up from where he’s lounging on the couch.

“Hey, can some friends come over? Seeing as you two aren’t actually studying, might as well invite some more people to play.” 

Seungcheol stops mid-sentence to turn and look at Wonwoo. 

“Sure. I mean, it’s your place. You can invite over whoever you want.” 

Wonwoo nods and turns to his phone to text someone. 

“I want a rematch!” Mingyu exclaims, eyebrows furrowed in determination.

“You’re on,” Seungcheol grins. 

Ten pitiful rounds of fighting later, there’s a knock on the door. Wonwoo leaves the two engaged in another intense battle to answer it. Seungcheol hears multiple voices greeting his friend, but he’s too focused on the battle to turn towards the bright voices approaching. 

“They’ve been playing for the past two hours,” Wonwoo says flatly. When neither of them turn, he clears his throat. “Would it kill you to stop playing for a second and say hi?” 

Mingyu turns briefly with a small wave and a “hi” before turning back to the screen, continuing to furiously smash buttons on his controller. Seungcheol turns as well to say a brief hello, but he pauses when his eyes stop on someone standing near the back of the group. Since he’s in the back, Seungcheol can’t see too clearly, but he looks quite attractive, beautiful even. His eyes linger for too long and Mingyu cheers in glee.

“Ha! I won!” 

Seungcheol’s head snaps back to the screen so quickly, it’s a wonder he doesn’t get whiplash. Sure enough, Kirby is standing in the center of the screen, while Ness stands to the side, further back. Normally, Seungcheol would be devastated. How could he lose to a little pink ball that beginners use because he’s easy to control and he can fly? Losing to _Mingyu_ of all people is doubly insulting because honestly, Mingyu sucks at video games. He ignores Mingyu’s obnoxious cheering and turns back to look at Wonwoo’s friends, eyes scanning for the man who caught his attention.

“Good, now everyone can properly meet each other,” Wonwoo says. He steps to the side and gestures toward Seungcheol. “Choi Seungcheol. Electrical engineering major.” Seungcheol nods and offers a small wave. Then, Wonwoo gestures toward Mingyu. “Kim Mingyu. Visual arts major and my roommate.” 

“Hi!” Mingyu greets with a bright smile and overexcited wave. Wonwoo turns toward his friends and tips his head slightly, signaling them to introduce themselves. The one closest to him speaks up first.

“Hi everyone.” He smiles gently; everything about him seems calm and gentle. “I’m Hong Jisoo, but you can call me Joshua. I’m a literature major like Wonwoo.” Joshua pauses and looks toward Wonwoo. “We met… on our third day of class?” Wonwoo nods. “And we got along pretty well. It’s nice to meet you all as well.” Joshua turns and looks toward the man next to him. He’s very handsome, with a sharp jawline and high nose bridge. 

“Hello!” He smiles so brightly, Seungcheol is momentarily blinded by the happiness that radiates from him. “I’m Lee Seokmin. I’m Joshua’s roommate and I’m majoring in music!” He smiles once more and looks toward the man behind him. Seokmin shuffles to the side so he can step forward. 

Seungcheol finds himself sitting up straighter, suddenly much more interested. He has long brown hair, stopping just past his shoulders. The man’s brown eyes are bright with a twinkle of mischief in them. He’s fairly tall and slender, holding himself proudly with an air of beauty and elegance. 

“Hello, I’m Yoon Jeonghan.” He smiles and it’s quite possibly the cutest smile Seungcheol has ever seen. Pink lips turning up at the corners and eyes crinkling into cute crescents. “I’m Joshua’s best friend and I’m interested in fashion and design.” 

Everyone is silent after the last introduction, not sure what to do next.

“Want to play Smash with Cheol and I?” Mingyu offers. “He sucks at it.” Seungcheol turns to look at him incredulously. 

“Hey! Who’s the one that lost 15 times in a row?” 

“Well, everyone just saw me beat you,” Mingyu taunts, sticking his tongue out childishly. 

“Fine. I’ll kick your ass again in front of an audience.” 

“I’ll play!” Seokmin calls, raising his hand. Wonwoo motions for the visitors to sit down while Mingyu reaches for more remotes. Joshua, Seokmin, and Wonwoo take their seats on the couch, while Jeonghan stands at the side, not sure where to settle. 

“Want to sit with me?” Seungcheol asks, moving over to make room on the bean bag chair. Jeonghan smiles and takes a seat. 

“Can you show me how to play?” Jeonghan asks. 

“Sure,” Seungcheol grins. 

* * *

Seungcheol remembers falling in love with Jeonghan. 

Towards the end of their second semester, they all gathered together at Mingyu and Wonwoo’s apartment to study. They had the biggest place and an incredible gaming system, so it quickly became their go-to hang out place for the entire year. The week before finals being no different.

As the hours ticked by, they slowly began to leave one by one. By 2AM, even Mingyu decided to call it a night. The tall man retreated to his room after wishing the two remaining guests good night, leaving Seungcheol staring intently at his laptop and Jeonghan lazily scrolling through his phone.

Seungcheol sits cross-legged on the carpet, eyes scanning through line after line of code. Every time he tries running it, an error screen pops up. Unfortunately, he can’t find the source of his growing headache. He’s gone through the entire code five times to no avail. 

Sighing, he leans back and rests his head against the couch, eyes closed. He’s burnt out after finishing a haphazardly written essay and studying for his other finals. However, he still has this damn code he needs to finish. It’s his last major project for the semester and he needs it to pass this class. 

“Tired?” Jeonghan asks, curled up on the corner of the couch Seungcheol is leaning against. 

“Yeah. I have a headache; been staring at this for too long.”

“Take a break. You’ve been at it for three hours.”

“What about you?” Seungcheol cracks an eye open and turns to face him. “You finished your portfolio right?” 

Jeonghan hums in response. 

“Don’t you want to go home and sleep?”

The man shrugs, still looking at something on his phone. Seungcheol watches Jeonghan thoughtfully. He knows Jeonghan finished his portfolio and submitted it three hours ago. The brunette also doesn’t have any other finals he needs to study for. He’s as free as a bird, yet he’s staying up late with Seungcheol as he slaves over this impossible project. 

“You don’t have to stay up with me, you know,” he says gently, nudging Jeonghan’s leg. The pretty man turns toward Seungcheol and smiles at him.

“I know.” With that, he turns back to his phone and taps away. Seungcheol smiles and turns back to his laptop still resting on the coffee table.

An hour later, he finally manages to fix the problem and submits his project. Satisfied, he closes his laptop and turns towards Jeonghan.

“Hey Jeonghan I—” His voice comes to a halt when he sees the brunette sleeping peacefully, phone still in hand. Seungcheol watches the steady rise and fall of Jeonghan’s chest and smiles. He carefully takes Jeonghan’s phone out of his hand and places it on the table. Then, he reaches for one of the throw blankets left on Mingyu’s beanbag chair and drapes it over Jeonghan’s body. 

“You didn’t have to stay up with me if you were so tired,” Seungcheol murmurs, brushing Jeonghan’s fringe away from his face. Jeonghan continues to sleep, smiling and snuggling into the warmth of the blanket around him.

“Thank you though.” He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Jeonghan’s temple. Blushing at the realization of what he’s done, Seungcheol pulls back sheepishly. Seeing the other man still asleep, Seungcheol breathes a sigh of relief. He picks up a discarded pillow and places it on the floor next to the couch. Normally, Seungcheol would sleep on the couch, having stayed over at Mingyu and Wonwoo’s place more than he can count. However, Jeonghan looks so peaceful and adorable resting, Seungcheol can’t find it in him to disturb him. He lays down on the floor despite knowing that tomorrow he’ll be waking up with an aching back. It will be worth it though. Jeonghan deserves the comfy couch after staying up all night with him. Seungcheol gets comfortable as best as he can and closes his eyes. A smile graces his lips as he drifts off to sleep, joining Jeonghan in dreamland. 

* * *

Seungcheol remembers his first kiss with Jeonghan. 

They were at a mutual friend’s house, enjoying one of their last few days of summer before classes started once more. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day. Perfect for a day in the pool and all the fun that comes with it.

Jeonghan, being the mischievous boy that he is, pushes an unsuspecting Seungcheol into the pool as he was chatting with Mingyu. He may or may not have let out an unmanly yelp of surprise, falling rather ungracefully to join the other partygoers in blue waters. When he resurfaces, he sputters, trying to process what had happened. Then he hears it, his favorite sound, Jeonghan’s precious laughter traveling to his ears as the long-haired man bends over and clutches his stomach. Seungcheol tries sporting a serious expression, but he can’t help but smile at the angel’s happy expression.

“You’re going to get it!” 

Jeonghan’s eyes widen as he squeaks and dashes away while Seungcheol climbs out of the pool. Ignoring the water dripping from his hair and occasional call of “be careful”, he chases the troublemaker around the yard. Eventually, he catches up to Jeonghan and traps him in his arms. 

The brunette squeals, flailing and trying to break out of the strong arms carrying him back towards the pool. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Cheol, put me down!” He pleads as the waters drew closer and closer.

As Seungcheol is about to throw Jeonghan into the pool, the brunette grins and wraps his arms and legs around the man carrying him. Unable to fight the pull of gravity, Seungcheol falls into the pool along with Jeonghan. They bob up to the surface, still holding on to each other. The two stare at each other for a few moments before they burst out laughing. 

Seungcheol continues hugging Jeonghan as they lazily move around the pool. The brunette complains, but never makes an effort to escape Seungcheol’s clutches. Maybe he liked the feeling of firm muscle against his own. 

Later that evening, they move to the upstairs balcony, enjoying the cool breeze with a bottle of soju. It’s just the two of them, leaning on the railing and looking down at people swimming in the pool or chatting by the fire pit. Their own little space, separated from everyone else.

“I never want this to end,” Jeonghan sighs before taking another sip from his bottle. “I wish we could play all day in the sun without being bothered by the pressures of life.” 

Seungcheol hums thoughtfully and turns to look at his friend. “We can still hang out during school, you know?”

“But it’s not as fun without everyone there,” Jeonghan pouts. “Everyone’s going to be busy with this or that and we won’t be able to get everyone together like this until our next break.” 

“I wouldn’t mind as long as you’re there.”

“Huh?” Jeonghan blinks and turns to look at the raven-haired man.

“I don’t care what we do as long as you’re there. Even if it’s just me and you, it will be fun.” Jeonghan pinks a little and hastily turns away, taking a swig of his bottle. Feeling bolder, Seungcheol continues. “I never want us being together to end. I want to be with you… forever.”

“Forever is a big word, Seungcheol.”

“My love for you is big,” he counters as he scoots closer to the man beside him and leans in close. “I like you, Jeonghan. I like you a lot.”

Jeonghan turns, gasping when he realizes how close their faces are. Warm brown eyes look up into Seungcheol’s, shining under the light of the moon and sparkling like the twinkling stars above. 

“I… I like you too, Seungcheol,” he breathes, voice ghosting over plump lips.

“So is that a yes?” 

“To what?”

“Being with me? Forever?”

“Let’s start with one day. I’ll see how I feel after that.” 

Seungcheol chuckles and closes the distance between them. His heart sings as his lips meet Jeonghan’s. Soft, warm, and better than he could have ever imagined. They part briefly, only an angel’s breath between them, and Jeonghan is leaning up for another kiss. He smiles when Seungcheol reciprocates, pulling him closer with a strong hand at the small of his back. It’s perfect and sweet, a small moment in their forever that neither will forget.

* * *

Seungcheol remembers being hopelessly in love with Jeonghan.

They’re at the beach with their friends, trying to have some fun and take a break from the relentless pile of schoolwork. It’s a perfect sunny day with clear blue skies and warm weather. The ocean breeze cooling them whenever the sun decides to beat down a little too harshly. 

Mingyu is trying to convince Wonwoo to join him in the water while Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung are having the time of their lives playing games in the ocean. The rest of them are playing frisbee, running across warm sand and screaming at each other to pass the damn disc. All of them are fiercely competitive and it leads to a lot of taunting, rule breaking, and yelling. 

Jeonghan’s team ends up winning and Seungcheol can’t find it in him to be mad. Instead, he resorts to scooping up his boyfriend and running straight into the ocean with Jeonghan’s laughter ringing in his ears.

They all continue to play, enjoying their time together under the sun and in the water. It’s the epitome of youth and all the fun and energy it entails.

As the sun begins to set, they all huddle around a fire pit, roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, bundled under damp towels, and chatting amongst themselves. 

Seokmin is in the middle of telling an account of how Seungkwan got spooked, thinking that he saw a shark, and Soonyoung falling out of swimming tube he was relaxing in. Seungkwan interrupts every once in a while, correcting Seokmin with a more exaggerated version, standing up and acting it out for everyone to fully understand what happened. Soonyoung joins in, making the most ridiculous expressions and saying things that couldn’t possibly be true. It makes everyone burst out into laughter and they continue to share stories until the sun no longer resides in the sky.

Seungcheol loves his friends and enjoys a good laugh, but he can’t help but stare at Jeonghan. He admires the way his face glows by the warmth of the fire. The sight of eyes crinkling, nose scrunching, and a breathtaking smile. An endearing laugh joining the rest of the chuckling and banter, but somehow ringing louder in Seungcheol’s ears. He’s in love, hopelessly in love. 

Jeonghan eventually takes notice of someone’s eyes on him and he smiles sweetly at the unabashed fond expression on his boyfriend’s face. 

Later, the long-haired man moves to sit beside Seungcheol, resting his head comfortably on a firm shoulder. Seungcheol’s arm immediately wraps around Jeonghan, holding him close and rubbing his arm soothingly with a slow back and forth motion of his thumb. It feels so natural, the way the two of them fit together like puzzle pieces. 

“Why do you look at me like that?” Jeonghan asks quietly.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m the most precious thing you’ve ever seen.”

“That’s because you are,” Seungcheol smiles and turns to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s temple. As cheesy as it is, that’s what he truly believes. Jeonghan is more beautiful than the pink and orange hues of the sky as the sun sets on the horizon, more astounding than the expanse of the ocean in front of them, and shines more brightly than the twinkling stars above. 

Jeonghan mumbles something about Seungcheol being embarrassing, to which the man in question just laughs heartily. He leans in and presses a gentle kiss against Jeonghan’s lips. The brunette tilts his head for easier access and returns the affection in full. 

“I love you,” Seungcheol whispers into the space between them, foreheads touching and breath fanning across the other’s face. Warmth and adoration in their eyes. 

“I love you,” Jeonghan replies, closing the gap between them. 

“Forever.”

“Forever.”

* * *

Seungcheol remembers fighting with Jeonghan. 

Both of them are in their last year of university, struggling to finish their last classes that stand between them and graduation. Seungcheol is working on his senior project and Jeonghan is adding the final touches to his portfolio.

They spend many days together at each other’s apartments. Sometimes they are actually productive and other times they spend more time making out on the couch than their work. It’s okay though because they’re together and that’s all that matters.

One evening, Seungcheol is sitting at his dining table, squinting at his computer screen and trying to discern why one piece of his project isn’t working. He’s been at it for hours, trying to fix a mistake that his partner made. Whoever decided on group work for this senior project is cruel and must enjoy the suffering of his students. 

As he continues working, Jeonghan runs up to him, clearly excited and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Cheol! Cheol! Cheol! Guess what! Guess what!”

“What, Hannie?” Seungcheol laughs, glad for a distraction. He turns away from his computer to look at his beautiful boyfriend, radiating with happiness.

“I got it! I got the job!”

“You did? That’s great Hannie!” Seungcheol stands up to wrap his arms around Jeonghan and twirl him around. He squeals and clings to strong shoulders, giggling in delight.

“I can’t believe it! I’ve always dreamed of modeling for Rose x Rose. Their designs are always so elaborate and wearing any of their clothes is an honor in itself.” 

“Rose?” Seungcheol asks as he gently places Jeonghan down, arms still wrapped securely around his middle. “Isn’t that the one in Japan?”

“Yep, that’s the one! Oh, I’m so excited. Can you imagine me wearing their clothes for a fashion show, Cheollie? Or in one of their magazines? Ahh. Think of all the possibilities!”

Seungcheol slowly releases Jeonghan and stares at him with a twisted smile.

“What about the other companies you applied to?” _The ones in Korea_ he doesn’t say.

“Mm some said yes, but Rose was my top choice. People can only _dream_ of modeling for them. I have a once in a lifetime opportunity to work for them. Maybe I’ll even design some of my own clothes while I’m there. It’s so exciting. Isn’t it Cheollie?”

“No.”

“N-no?” Jeonghan looks at his boyfriend, head tilted in confusion. “What do you mean, Cheol? My dream is coming true.”

“But you won’t be here with me.”

“Oh, Cheollie,” Jeonghan offers a small smile and gives him a tight hug. “I know. It makes me sad too, but you’re still pursuing your dream here, right? Getting into a master’s program at Korea’s top university. I have the smartest boyfriend ever.” He looks at Seungcheol with that blinding smile, the one that makes the engineer feel weak in his knees. But he’s still scared; he doesn’t want Jeonghan to go.

“You can’t take a job offer here?” He tries again.

“No… but don’t worry. We can still make this work. It’s not like I’m going halfway around the world. There’s no time difference. We still have texting and Facetime. I can still visit; it’s a short plane ride.” Jeonghan rubs Seungcheol’s bicep comfortingly. 

“It won’t be the same though…” Seungcheol mumbles. He looks away, trying not to show the tears welling up in his eyes. There’s an unsettling swell of fear and anxiety bubbling up in his chest. It makes his heart rate kick into overtime and suddenly it’s hard to breathe. The thought of Jeonghan, his angel, the love of his life, his forever, not being with him is mind numbing. He doesn’t know how to live without his other half. 

“Cheollie…”

“You won’t be here with me. What happened to forever?” His voice cracks at the end, no longer be able to hide his pain. 

“I’m not leaving you forever,” Jeonghan says gently.

“Well it feels like you are!” Seungcheol doesn’t know why his voice suddenly raises to an uncomfortable volume. Nor how his fear has somehow transformed itself into anger. It’s a monster that scares both Jeonghan and himself. He _never_ yells at Jeonghan, yet this monster seems to have control over his vocal cords, molding buried insecurities into harsh words. “You’re leaving me for what? A job?”

“I told you, I’m not leaving you!” Jeonghan’s voice also raises, breaking in his frustration.

“But you are! Is the job more important than I am?” 

“It’s not!”

“Then why are choosing the job over me?”

“I’m not choosing a job over you!”

“Then stay here with me!”

“How is it fair that you get to chase your dream and I don’t?” There’s tears in those beautiful brown eyes. Tears that shouldn’t be there. Seungcheol is suddenly gripped with the desire to kiss them away, but Jeonghan continues. “I’ve stuck by you all these years, staying up late with you when you had those ridiculous projects to work on. Even when I had an early photoshoot the next morning, I was there for you. I wanted you to do well. I wanted you to chase your dreams. You could have gone far away for your graduate program, but I was here to support you. I never complained once, Cheol. Not once.”

For once, Seungcheol doesn’t have any words to say. Deep inside, he knows Jeonghan is right. His devastatingly beautiful boyfriend isn’t perfect, but he’s been so loyal and supportive of Seungcheol throughout the years. Seungcheol has supported Jeonghan as well, dropping off coffee and meals whenever photoshoots ran longer than planned, giving comforting massages after a tiring day, spoiling the brunette with all the love he had to offer. 

Loving Jeonghan was easy, because he was always there. Now, he’s leaving and it’s like a part of him is drifting away. Seungcheol doesn’t want to let his other half go.

“This… this is different,” Seungcheol says.

“And how is it different?” Jeonghan asks flatly.

“It just is!” 

The two of them stare at each other for a few minutes, waiting for the other to give in. Unfortunately, both are incredibly stubborn.

“Fine,” Jeonghan sighs and stalks off to their shared bedroom.

“Fine? What does ‘fine’ mean?” Seungcheol asks, quickly following his boyfriend. He stops when he sees Jeonghan throwing some clothes in a backpack.

“It means, I don’t want to continue this conversation if it’s going to be one sided.” He throws the last item in with more force than necessary. “I’m going to stay at Joshua’s place. Don’t call or text me unless you’re willing to talk and not just yell at me.”

Seungcheol is speechless and all he can do is stare at his boyfriend in disbelief. Jeonghan looks at him for a moment and there’s a flash of hurt and disappointment in Jeonghan’s eyes. With a tired sigh, the brunette slings his backpack over his shoulder and leaves their bedroom. 

The front door closes with a loud click of the lock turning and Jeonghan is gone. Seungcheol lost Jeonghan. 

* * *

Seungcheol regrets letting go of Jeonghan. 

Graduation eventually comes and goes, but without the big fanfare that Seungcheol had initially anticipated. By the day of the ceremony, Seungcheol and Jeonghan had broken up. 

It was a few weeks after their argument, with neither willing to give up on what they wanted. Jeonghan had packed all his belongings and left, leaving Seungcheol alone in their little apartment. The space felt larger and emptier in the absence of its former occupant. 

Seungcheol dreaded returning home and being reminded of someone who was no longer there. Awkward spaces in the cupboards where Jeonghan’s dishes and favorite mug used to reside. A barren couch no longer adorned with fuzzy blankets that Jeonghan used to bundle himself with. More counter space without that cute little cup and purple toothbrush. Nights felt longer and colder without his boyfriend—no, ex-boyfriend, by his side. The silence that filled the empty apartment was deafening. 

Despite it all, Seungcheol managed to complete all of his projects and graduate as one of the top engineering students. He’s joined by his friends, Jeonghan included, but the two refuse to stand near each other. Seungcheol can’t help glancing towards Jeonghan every so often, but the other seems determined to look anywhere but at him. Their eyes never meet. 

Seungcheol takes pictures with each of his friends, except for the one he wanted a picture with the most. The only time he manages to be in the same frame as Jeonghan is for the obligatory group photo. Even then, they stand on opposite sides, as far apart from each other as possible. 

They go out for food and drinks afterwards. Of course, the separated couple sit at opposite ends of the table. Trying to make the most of it, Seungcheol talks idly to the friends sitting closest to him and downs more beers than he normally would have. He occasionally glances down the row, but those warm brown eyes never look his way. 

A few days after graduation, Jeonghan boards a flight to Japan. Seungcheol doesn’t join his friends to see him off. It would feel too permanent, too real. It would mean that Seungcheol lost Jeonghan forever, across a sea of blue. He doesn’t want to admit that he lost his forever the moment he was unwilling to let him go.

Years pass and they never contact each other. No calls, no texts, no surprise visits. There isn’t a day that goes by where Seungcheol doesn’t think about the man who still owns his heart. And sometimes, he wonders if Jeonghan thinks about him too. 

As they continue on their separate paths, Jeonghan’s popularity grows and grows. His face is plastered on billboards, magazine spreads, and more. The fashion industry constantly praises him for his pretty features, alluring gazes, and natural talent. It seems as though every clothing and beauty company wants him to model for their products. All of Japan adores the angel who hails from Korea and it seems that the rest of the world is falling for his charm as well. 

Seungcheol quietly watches Jeonghan’s progress from his little studio apartment. Every day, he scrolls through articles to see what the media has to say. He makes sure he sees every photoshoot, every interview, every advertisement. 

He’s incredibly proud of all that Jeonghan has accomplished and he’s comforted knowing that Jeonghan is doing well. Even if it means he’s happy without him.

What doesn’t sit well with Seungcheol’s anxious heart is the brunette’s relationship with another Rose x Rose model.

His name is Akio, the only model who seems to rival Jeonghan’s popularity. Like any model, he’s tall and slender. But whereas Jeonghan is dainty and pretty, Akio is handsome and alluring. With his smouldering gaze and charming smile, he captivates his audience and pulls them in. He’s the epitome of the ideal ikemen. 

Akio does quite a few photoshoots with Jeonghan and they mesh well together. The Japanese model’s sharper features balances out the Korean man’s delicate ones. 

Every picture they take together is an automatic hit and their popularity, individually and together, continues to grow. Fans give Akio the title of Japan’s “Prince Charming”, and Jeonghan Japan’s “Darling Angel”. Together, they make an incredibly powerful duo.

Untouchable by mere mortals, people begin to ship them together. Two beings with otherworldly looks and incredible chemistry; it’s only natural that they’re deemed good matches for each other. The world seems convinced no one can live up to the minimum needed to stand amongst such handsome men. 

Over time, the media begins to wonder if the two may be a couple after all. There’s pictures of the two models spending plenty of time together outside of work, whether it be shopping at a mall, sitting at a cafe, or leaving a high end restaurant. They seem incredibly close, often standing close one another, linking arms, or looking at each other with warmth and affection. 

Seungcheol sees the way Jeonghan’s eyes curve adorably and he can imagine that sweet smile hiding behind the dark face mask. A smile that used to be reserved just for him. It makes his insides twist horribly, an uncomfortable feeling of pain, insecurity, and longing settling deep in his gut. 

The million dollar question surfaces multiple times during interviews, but both Jeonghan and Akio avoid it. Although they dance around it with a charming smile and a witty response, they neither confirm nor deny their speculated relationship.

It’s this lack of denial that drives that invisible sharp blade into his heart, piercing it and turning slowly. He imagines it bleeding out slowly and cruelly as his Jeonghan drifts further and further away. 

* * *

He’s sitting alone at a bar one Saturday night, mindlessly thumbing at his half empty glass. The place is nearly empty; he’s one of the few patrons inside the fairly small room and the only one sitting at the counter. Despite the lack of people, Seungcheol quite likes this place. It’s calm and quiet, unlike most places with its upbeat music, blinding lights, and cheap drinks. This little hole in the wall allows Seungcheol to think, reflect, and reminisce about his time with Jeonghan.

He picks up his phone and stares at the last message he sent to Jeonghan.

_I’m sorry._

_I love you._

_Read 5:26 AM._

It’s been five years since Seungcheol sent that message. Five years since Jeonghan read it. Five years since Seungcheol lost the man he loved the most. 

Closing his message app, Seungcheol now faces a photograph of the two of them. Jeonghan is smiling brightly, shining more brilliantly than the sun that’s illuminating them. Seungcheol has an arm wrapped around Jeonghan’s waist. He’s looking down at the beautiful man and smiling fondly. Their friends used to tease him quite often for that, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t help the way he felt about Jeonghan, can’t help how he still feels about Jeonghan. 

He thinks about how there’s now a different man with an arm around Jeonghan’s waist. A man who looks at him the same way Seungcheol used to. Someone who receives affection that used to be reserved for Seungcheol, and Seungcheol alone. 

A recent picture picture of Jeonghan smiling as he’s held in Akio’s arms flashes in Seungcheol’s mind.

Tears spring up in his eyes and he can’t stop them when they fall, trailing down his cheeks and landing on his phone, blurring the picture of him and Jeonghan. 

He’s full on sobbing, mourning over his broken heart that hasn’t been whole ever since Jeonghan walked out the door. His forever took a piece of him that fateful night, took it across the seas and continues to carry it with him until this day. 

If Seungcheol had the chance, would he ask for it back? He doesn’t think so. Seungcheol would never give up the wondrous feelings stored up in his heart nor the memories of the man he loves so dearly kept so preciously in his mind. 

Despite the pain he’s felt the past 5 years, he treasures them deeply; they’re the only thing he has left of Jeonghan. The man who brought him endless happiness and love is worth far more than all the riches in the world and his bleeding heart. 

But he wishes he could have Jeonghan again. He wishes he could have that beautiful man back in his arms and hear Jeonghan say that Seungcheol’s embrace reminds him of home. He longs to look into bright, shining eyes filled with complete adoration and to see that cheeky smile filled with mischief. 

More than anything, Seungcheol wants to apologize to Jeonghan. He wants to let his other half know how sorry he is, how stupid he was, and how much he still loves him.

Three precious little words escape from trembling lips as the door to the bar opens. A little bell chimes, letting the owner know that new guests have arrived. 

“Hello, how may I help you?” The bartender asks. 

“Can you give me—S-seungcheol?” 

Seungcheol freezes, hearing his name. He hasn’t heard that voice say his name in such a long time. So soft and sweet, like a gentle breeze passing by on a sunny day. 

The raven-haired man wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and tries to compose himself as best as he can before sitting up straight and turning towards the one who called out to him.

It’s Jeonghan, looking as beautiful as ever, bundled up in a winter coat. The tip of his nose is pink and his cheeks are flushed. His hair, now blond and slightly wavy, stops just past his chin and frames his face perfectly. 

The man who has been haunting his every waking moment is suddenly standing before him and he doesn’t know what to do.

“Jeonghan,” Seungcheol breathes. It feels odd, saying his name. He hasn’t said it in so long, but it rolls off his tongue naturally. It’s been five long years but his body still remembers the man he loves the most.

They stare at each other for a moment, speechless until the little bell twinkles again and another man joins them. 

“Jeonghan-kun?” An unfamiliar voice says, interrupting their silence.

“Oh, Akio-kun.” The blond blinks and looks up at the man next to him. 

Seungcheol tenses, seeing the tall dark-haired man standing so close to Jeonghan. He can’t understand what Jeonghan is saying, but he hears his name and sees the blond gesturing towards him. 

Akio says something and Jeonghan nods in response.

“Ah, hello… I’m Akio,” he says in broken Korean. He smiles shyly and bows slightly. “Jeonghan… friend.” 

Seungcheol nods and smiles politely, but it feels forced, even to him.

“I’m also Jeonghan’s… friend.” 

He makes eye contact with Jeonghan, but the blond doesn’t hold it for very long. Jeonghan looks down at his shoes nervously and bites his bottom lip. Seungcheol notices Akio give Jeonghan’s shoulder a comforting squeeze and his grip tightens around his glass.

“We—I just wanted to come back for the holidays,” Jeonghan says quietly. “Akio has never been to Korea before and his family is overseas at the moment, so I asked if he wanted to come with me.”

When Seungcheol doesn’t respond, Jeonghan takes a deep breath and lifts his head to look at him.

“We’re planning a get together… All of us, just like we did in university. It would be great if you could come too.” 

“I… I’ll think about it,” Seungcheol says.

“Well, if you’re free, give Seungkwan a text. You still have his number right? He’s organizing everything.” 

Seungcheol gives him a curt nod and turns back to his drink. He listens to Jeonghan ask the bartender for directions to a nearby hotel. There’s a flame of jealousy that burns up inside of him, despite the fact that he has no right to feel this way. Jeonghan has a new life now. A life with a man that isn’t him.

He tries steeling himself to face forward, to not look back, but he can’t help it. As Jeonghan leaves the bar, Seungcheol looks over his shoulder and sees the love of his life leave, holding another man’s hand.

* * *

Seungcheol shows up late to Seungkwan’s apartment, a drink in hand. He hasn’t done something like this since graduating from university, but everything is different.

When Seungkwan answers the door, he’s greeted with idle chatter and joyful laughter instead of loud, deafening music. The host is excited to see him, smiling brightly and eagerly ushering him. Five years ago, Seungcheol had to let himself in and sidestep around sweaty bodies overcrowding the place.

There aren’t any red Solo cups or empty beer cans littering the space. Seungkwan’s apartment is incredibly clean, decorated with trendy yet homey knick knacks that makes Seungcheol feel welcome. 

As he toes off his shoes at the entrance he hears someone shout his name before he’s crushed by an overly excited Mingyu in a tight bear hug.

“Hyung! I’m so glad you could make it! I haven’t seen you in forever! How have you been? What have you been up to? I missed you!”

“I—“ Seungcheol sputters, not knowing where to begin.

“Hey, give the man some space,” Seungkwan scolds. “He just got here; you can ask him once he’s comfortable.”

“Okay!” Mingyu says and rushes back to the crowded table.

“And don’t eat all the short ribs! Eat some vegetables instead!” Seungkwan calls out, shaking his head when Mingyu ignores him. He turns back to Seungcheol and smiles.

“Glad you could make it.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Seungcheol says sheepishly. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure if he would make it. He spent the last hour laying in bed, debating if he should show up to this get together or not. The desire to see his friends, and more importantly, _Jeonghan_ , won out.

Seungkwan tuts and shakes his head.

“We just got started. It’s a bit crowded, but there’s room for you. If not, you can kick Mingyu out of his seat.”

Seungcheol laughs and follows Seungkwan to the crowded tables.

Dinner is delightful, with scrumptious food and light hearted conversations. Seungcheol didn’t realize how much he missed his friends and decides he should make a greater effort to meet up with them more often. 

He’s enjoying the company around him, but he can’t help glancing down the table every so often to where Jeonghan is sitting. The blond looks so stunning, eyes shining and lips curled into a smile as he talks to Seokmin and Joshua. Akio is sitting quietly next to Jeonghan and every so often Seungcheol sees Jeonghan translating for him. 

When Jeonghan’s gaze turns towards his direction, Seungcheol quickly looks away, focusing his attention on Soonyoung’s latest overly dramatized story. He thinks he sees the blond’s expression fall, but he can’t get a better look without being too obvious. 

Slowly, the table begins to open up as people migrate to different parts of the apartment. Some decide to play games on the Nintendo Switch while others choose to be spectators. There’s a few who remain at the table, immersed in conversation, but Seungcheol finds himself sitting alone at the far end of the table. 

Deciding to get some fresh air, he gets up and walks out onto the balcony. It’s exceptionally chilly and the cold winter wind bites at his cheeks. He breathes out a puff of air and watches as it dissipates as quickly as it appeared.

He’s standing by himself for about five minutes, when he hears the sliding door behind him and feels another body join him.

“Aren’t you cold out here?”

Seungcheol doesn’t have to turn to know that it’s Jeonghan standing next to him. 

“A little,” the raven-haired man says with a shrug.

They silently stand next to each other, looking out to the Christmas lights illuminating the street below. 

“Kind of reminds you of that time, doesn’t it?” Jeonghan says with a quiet chuckle. “Except it was summer then, not the middle of winter.” 

“Do you remember what you said to me?” The blond continues when Seungcheol doesn’t respond. “You said that you liked me, and that you wanted to be with me forever.”

Seungcheol remembers, even without Jeonghan reminding him. He distinctly remembers the night he confessed his feelings for the man standing next to him.

“But it wasn’t enough,” Seungcheol says sadly. “My love for you wasn’t enough.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You… you left me.” Seungcheol turns to face Jeonghan and he’s taken aback by how close they’re standing next to each other, shoulders just shy of brushing against each other. “Well, it was my fault. I hurt you, and you left me. Went across the sea and never came back.”

“I’m here now, aren’t I?” Jeonghan says softly. Seungcheol nearly gets lost, looking into sad brown eyes, filled with a familiar warmth that he missed.

“Yes, but you…” Seungcheol pauses and glances inside the apartment, where Akio is, then back towards Jeonghan. “You have someone else now.” He whispers and he can feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. “You don’t love me anymore.”

“Cheol…”

“I regret it,” Seungcheol interrupts. “I regret it so much. I’ve regretted it every day since you left our apartment. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I haven’t thought about you. I think about you all the time; I miss you so much.” His voice breaks and tears are now steadily streaming down his cheeks. “I miss you so much, Hannie. I’m so sorry for yelling at you. I’m sorry for thinking you were choosing something else over me. I’m sorry for not thinking about you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m so, so, so sorry Hannie. I know it’s too late now. You have someone else now, someone who makes you smile. But please, _please_ forgive me. I’m so sorry, Jeonghan. I’m sorry. I love you.” 

When Seungcheol finishes speaking, he’s startled to see Jeonghan crying as well.

“Jeonghan why are you crying? What’s wrong? What did I do wrong? Why are you—“

He’s silenced by a pair of soft lips that press against his own. It takes a moment to register what’s happening and when it hits him, he isn’t sure whether to press into the kiss or pull away. It’s too soon when Jeonghan’s sweet lips leave his.

“Stupid,” Jeonghan says quietly.

“Jeonghan?”

“Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” Jeonghan says, hitting his small fists against Seungcheol’s chest with every utter of that one word. 

Seungcheol is surprised, but he takes it, waiting until the blond lets out all his pent up frustration and anger.

“I thought about you every day too. For five years, Cheol.”

“W-what? Why? I thought you—“

“Because I still love you, you idiot!” Jeonghan cries, slapping Seungcheol’s chest again for good measure.

For a moment, Seungcheol’s world stops moving. Jeonghan loves him? _Jeonghan_ , the man he’s adored since day one, still loves him. It seems too good to be true and he doesn’t want to wake up from this dream. 

“B-but I thought you and Akio—“

“Akio-kun?” Jeonghan says in disbelief. “Akio, the guy I introduced you to the other day?”

Seungcheol nods dumbly.

“There’s nothing going on between Akio-kun and I. We’re just good friends.”

“You seem like more than ‘good friends’,” Seungcheol grumbles, earning a flick to the forehead. “Hey!”

“Don’t ‘hey’ me. Remember what happened the last time you didn’t trust me?” Jeonghan snaps, glaring up at him.

How could Seungcheol ever forget?

“Trust me when I say that Akio-kun and I are just good friends. And if this is of any reassurance to you, he has a _girlfriend_ and she’s a supermodel.” 

“A girlfriend?”

“Yes Cheol, a girlfriend. They’ve been secretly dating for three years now and they’re quite happy together.”

“But all those interviews… and those pictures of you two…”

“It’s all for PR,” Jeonghan dismisses with a wave of his hand. “Don’t believe any news articles that you read online; they’re all fake. Akio-kun just happens to be a very affectionate person with people he’s close with. He’s a naturally shy person, so it’s hard for him to open up to others. That’s what you see in those interviews. But the media ate it up and somehow came up with the idea that we were hiding something. It helped boost sales, so the company never bothered to correct them.” 

“Oh…” Seungcheol says, slowly taking in all of the information thrown at him. “So… you’re not seeing anyone right now?”

“As if I could,” Jeonghan scoffs. “I already promised forever to an idiot named Choi Seungcheol.” 

“So does that mean…”

“Mean what? Use your words, Cheol.”

“Does that mean you’ll have me again?”

“I was always yours to begin with.”

“Can I…”

“Yes, just kiss me already you big idiot.”

And Seungcheol does. He wraps his arms around Jeonghan’s waist, pulling him as close as possible to press a loving kiss against Jeonghan’s lips. Thin arms reach up to wrap around his neck and Seungcheol can feel the love the blond is pouring into the kiss. Seungcheol is crying again and salty tears mix into their kiss, but he couldn’t care less. That missing part of him has returned and he finally feels whole again. The man he loves with his entire being is back in his arms and is eagerly returning his affection. 

He smiles against Jeonghan’s lips and his heart sings when soft giggles escape the blond’s mouth, filling the tiny gap between them. 

“I love you, Jeonghan,” Seungcheol whispers before kissing the blond once more.

“I love you too, Seungcheol, my forever and ever.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated as always :)


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